When I left the cafe, it was already dark out. Walking along the street, the streetlamps blink, as if laughing after hearing a funny story. Sometimes I laugh too much at her remarks, and passers-by look at me strangely, but if I'm with Mari I'm not scared of anything. It was cold day and our faces turned pink, it felt like I would be a teenager forever. I noticed that I had arrived in front of my apartment. "We're here. Thanks for today, and take care on your way home Mari. Sorry I didn't notice that we came all the way to my home." Mari shakes her head "It's okay, I'll see you later." I disappeared into the dark as I ran.
I never plan to see her, when I'm struggling and I wander about, she appears out of nowhere and helps clear my mind. Doing something with Mari is fun even if you're not doing anything. Every time I meet her I hesitate, the happiness I feel when I'm with her makes me hesitant to be with her. As I stared after her, I lost track of time, I heard rough breathing and heavy footsteps from behind me as I returned to reality. "You?" The fat cop spits at me. "What?" I said while wiping the spit off my face. His hands were sweaty and tight. "You've been reported as a nuisance." I wanted to run away. "Well," he said. The inside of my head started to spin, I feel dizzy. The uncomfortable cold makes my thoughts foggy. Why did he say that? "Your face looks like you don't understand why. There was a report from the nearby residents that there was a suspicious person who was laughing alone at night." I'll run like a bullet at full speed up to my apartment. "Hey!" As the voice followed me my fear rose. I ran out of breath as I ran to the second floor. "I got it! I understand! I understand!" I shoved my key into the door and opened it while the calls never stopped as I slammed the door. After a while the noise stopped, and I collapsed into the entrance. My tears overflowed. I want keep my happy time with Mari unstained by dirty language. Mari is real. She's a close friend who supports and acknowledges me.
I threw my shoulder into the door, and walked through the open door. I went to the bathroom and opened the door. The basin was filled with dirty water mixed with blood running from the cut. The cutter fell to the tile and swirled into the drain. I close my eyes and taste the blood. When I opened my eyes, there I was in the mirror. Withered hair, and skin that looked to be coated with white power. The light-coloured, sharp eyes similar to birds of prey moved restlessly, the thin calf and thigh resembling a skeleton. Looking in the mirror is my favourite time. I'm so ugly that I want to hold on to it. "I'm sorry." I spit a curse while looking at myself.
I hate all of myself. I take off the clothes that become heavy with moisture and dry off my body. I change clothes and as I walk to the kitchen, I notice that I was smiling. Take out a cup pour some water, take out the two pills of Etizolam and put them in my mouth. For a moment I taste bitterness, but it disappears with the water. Yes, I forgot. I broke my cup and I look at my left wrist while I lie on my bed. Since I bathed earlier I couldn't see the red, but it was still the same. I opened my camera and took a photo and called it Pasha. Put a mosiac on the private parts. and post it to Twitter. My cell starts buzzing soon. I feel pleased that I'm being sought after too. My work of art. After seeing the reaction I let go of my phone. I'm getting sleepy and I still have to take care of my skin. Take the Nivea blue can next to my bed and apply the cream on my body. At the same time I took the pillow mist next to me and sprayed my pillow, the smell rose softly.
When I finished, I feel like I did everything that I could, and I covered my self with a thin blanket and hid my breathing. My own secret base that no one of the monsters of the outside world could harm. The scent of Nivea and my own mixed and brought a sense of security, and gradually my breathing slows from comfort.
I hate myself.
I love Mari.
I fell into a deep sleep.
Table of Contents
Part Two
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